Sigh. This is a hard post to write. I’ve decided to defer the NYC Marathon this year.

I saw the orthopedic specialist this morning and I didn’t even get to see the cute doctor. I mean, if I am going to get bad news, I want the eye candy. Instead, I got the old guy who didn’t seem to have the most positive outlook on running.

The doctor diagnosed me with tendonitis in my knee, which means the iliotibial band and other knee muscles are inflamed and irritated. The cure is rest, plain and simple. Everyday we get tiny microscopic tears in our muscles and while we sleep, the muscles repair themselves. Mine are just taking a little longer to get there.

I can take all the Advil and ice it all I want, but that is only a temporary solution. I don’t need to go to physical therapy, which the doctor didn’t think would be that helpful. Thank goodness, I don’t have the time or money to go to physical therapy every week.

I could run the marathon, but he said he wouldn’t recommend it and the end result would not be pretty if I was not completely healed. Since I can’t run without pain now and am missing those precious last few runs before it is taper time, deferral it is.

I’ve gone thru the five stages of injury acceptance:

1. Denial - I’ve run through the pain. It did not exist.
2. Anger – I’ve blamed myself, my training, lack of cross-training and not enough stepback weeks.
3. Bargaining – I’ve told myself, a couple of rest days will cure me. I’ll take it easy if I can do a 20-miler (newsflash: I can’t).
4. Depression – I’ve been reading Chicago and other marathon recaps and it makes me sad to think I won’t experience the post-marathon high. I cried in the car after the appointment.
5. Acceptance – Realized it not going to do me any good to run a marathon when I’m not where I want to be physically and mentally. I ran my first marathon under trained and I don’t want to go there again. I’d be in the same situation with not getting the final long runs in.

I don’t want to end up in worse shape than I started, so NYC Marathon 2011 here I come! The good news is I’m still going to NYC and I could not be more excited about seeing NYC in the fall. Being in the same city as the marathon may be upsetting, but I will have to tell myself that will be me next year.

In the meantime, I’m excited to focus on other activities than running for a few weeks. If you’ve been injured, how did you handle the setback?

I have a problem. My knee hurts. I’m 30 days out from the marathon. Its not like a oww-I-can’t-walk kinda hurt, its the oww-it-hurts-to-run-fast and oww-going-up-and-down-steps kinda hurt. It started hurting when I ran on a treadmill the day after the Great Race. I’ve iced it every day since then. I ran a half marathon last weekend and while I didn’t die, it wasn’t comfortable and I could feel it the whole time.

The pain is somewhat hard to describe, its mostly on the outside of the knee and walking does not hurt, but steps do. Dr. Google tells me it could be runner’s knee or iliotibial band syndrome. I haven’t run or cross-trained much these past two weeks because I am so afraid of pushing it.

I’m seeing an orthopaedic specialist on Tuesday. I’m so torn if I should defer from the marathon. I guess I’ll wait and see what the doctor says first. I want to run at my best and not have a single regret. I want this to be my last marathon and I want to cross the finish line knowing I gave it everything I have. Right now I feel like a big failure and mentally making a list of all the should have’s…should have crossed-trained more, should have stretched more, should have run more, should have…

I’m going to attempt my 20-miler on Sunday (bad idea?) and hope for the best. Please cross your fingers for me!